Been thinking about keeping a small journal for a while, and this format suits me. Public, but not. Hidden, but not. Modern, but not. It works for me.
I've been struggling for a while. There's more pressure than I ever thought possible associated with existing in the modern world while having a family rely on you. Mistakes I make have the potential to impact my family. The money I make dictates the opportunities my daughter has.
In no way do I regret the choices that led to this - in fact there are few choices I've made in my life that I'd actually take a redo on. Obviously I'd be lying if I said there weren't any. Just few.
Overall, I just need to find financial security. Not to be rich or famous, just enough so that this check-to-check pressure is alleviated, that my daughter can attend a safe school, and that I can get my house repairs done. Money does not buy happiness, that's inarguable. But it can, especially in reasonable amounts, allow people to buy opportunity, time, and peace of mind - three currencies that can absolutely be used to buy happiness.
What I really want - what I really hope for - is that I can look back on all this at the end of everything and say, "I wasn't happy for a long time, but it got better, an once it did I was on top of the world.